Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
