after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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