you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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