saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you will always have a special place in my vag
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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