Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
