I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
