Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
