Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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