fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
