You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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