she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
