i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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