Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
