Can i not drive my cunt home
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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