you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
