i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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