oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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