dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
