That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
