Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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