I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
