I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
