While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
