and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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