I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
