the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
