sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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