dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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