I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
