I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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