areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
