did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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