marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
