i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The power of my boobs compel you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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