apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
