As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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