i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
