why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
