I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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