Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
