my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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