Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
