No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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