its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
