I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
