i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
