I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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