we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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