I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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