I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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