Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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