Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
