At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bring money and cleavage
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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