During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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