i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
birth control should be required to get into college
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
