Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
