remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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