And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
50% drunk capacity currently
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
