I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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