Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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