The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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