Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
