My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
