nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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