Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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