you guys were way drunker than both of me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
