I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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