My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
