??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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