Soap is not a condiment
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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