you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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