so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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