my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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