This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
