Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
