i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
