OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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