Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
