Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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